Why You Rehash Conversations And How To Stop

Chapters

• 0:25 Setting The Stage For Overthinking
• 0:47 When Conversations Won’t Stop Replaying
• 1:24 From Replays To Shame And Self-Blame
• 3:31 Why The Mind Loops: Seeking Safety
• 5:03 Breathing And Body Awareness Reset
• 5:52 Faith Lens: God Doesn’t Replay You
• 6:53 Letting Go Of Constant Review
• 8:16 Practice Honest Boundaries And Pauses
• 9:53 Avoiding Overcommitment And People-Pleasing
• 10:57 Focus On Pleasing God, Not Loops
• 12:08 Slow Change, New Chances, Prayer
• 12:48 You’re Not Alone: Stay Connected

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:13

Hey hey, we meet again, again, again, and again. Oh, I hope you're doing great. I hope you're doing well and your family too. So we are back again for another conversation, and these conversations just seem to get better and better. What do you agree? I really do hope so. Okay. So today I want to talk to you. If your mind won't let things go, if conversations replay long after they're over, if moments you thought were small keep resurfacing, if you lie in bed and your brain replays everything you said and everything you wish you said differently. If you've ever thought, why can't I stop thinking about this? This conversation is definitely for you. Now, before we go any further, I will be the first to admit in the group that this has been me. You ever have those moments when you, you know, have a disagreement with somebody and you get home or you leave the conversation and you're like, Oh, I should have said this, I should have said that. Why couldn't I think of this stuff then? It would have been nice, it would have, it would have ate them up. Okay, if we're being honest here, those are the thoughts that come to mind, or even if it's in a relationship, or you know, a nice sentimental moment, you could think, Oh, I should have said this, it probably would have gone a little differently, or you know, just different moves, different modes to that replaying, that constant reminder of oh my goodness, everything I say and do, I gotta keep replaying. Like, what's wrong with me? Why am I like this? Okay. So this kind of overthinking doesn't feel loud at first, it feels quiet, persistent, relentless. You replay your tone, your wording, your facial expressions, and you wonder how you came across. You question whether you said too much or not enough. You wonder if people misunderstood you. And the more you replay it, the heavier it gets. Not because the moment was that big, but because your mind won't let it rest. You are always you have to go back, and sometimes people go back to people and they say, Oh, did I offend you? or or did this make you feel that way, or that make you feel that way. You're constantly thinking about your wording and how you said it, you're constantly wondering if you was not so kind, if you was too kind, if you came off pushy. This is this is you, this is you, but today we're gonna get some help for that, all of us, because I know I know I need it, all right. Now God is good, okay. This is where overthinking quietly turns into shame. You stop replaying the moment and start replaying yourself. You tell yourself things like, Why did I say that? I sounded stupid, I should have known better, and what's wrong with me? And suddenly, it's not about the conversation anymore, it's about you. I want to pause here and say something very important to you. Replay in conversations does not mean you're insecure, it does not mean you're weak, and it does not mean you're self-absorbed. It truly means you care deeply, and you've learned to be hyper-aware of yourself. For many people, mental loops come from a need for safety. At some point, being misunderstood had consequences. Saying the wrong thing wasn't neutral, making a mistake felt costly, so your mind learned to scan for errors, to replay moments and look for what went wrong, to correct yourself, even after the moment has passed. This wasn't your mind trying to punish you, it was your mind trying to protect you. But here's the hard part the mind doesn't know when to stop protecting, so it keeps replaying, keeps reviewing, keeps scanning, and over time this creates exhaustion. You don't just feel tired, you feel ashamed. This is where people usually try to shut their thoughts down, they tell themselves to stop thinking, they distract themselves, they criticize themselves for overthinking. But none of that quiets the loop because the loop isn't about logic, it's about safety. So I want to pause here for a second because that was a lot to finally learn why you do what you do and how you came about this. So let's take some breaths, okay? Take a deep breath in and let it out. A deep breath in and let it out. Now we're gonna pause for a moment, not to fix the thoughts, just to step out of the loop. Notice where you feel the replay in your body when you think of those moments that it happened. Is it tension in your chest, a tight jaw, a restless feeling in your stomach? You don't need to push it away, just noticing creates a little space. You need to know that replaying doesn't mean you did something wrong, it means your mind is still holding responsibility for something that's already over, and you're allowed to release that responsibility. There's something grounding about remembering that God does not replay your moments the way you do, He doesn't loop your mistakes, He doesn't analyze your tone, He doesn't hold your words against you, He just sees you as whole, even when your mind is stuck on fragments. If you replay everything you say and do, it doesn't mean you're broken, it means your system learned to stay alert, and it hasn't learned yet that it's safe to rest. This is not who you are, it's something you learned. Overthinking doesn't disappear overnight, it softens as safety grows. As you learn that not every moment needs to be reviewed, let me say that one more time for you and for us. Every moment does not need to be reviewed, that not every interaction defines you, not every mistake needs punishment. Stop holding yourself to these things all the time, constantly. If something happens, learn from it, and also like when you leave these conversations with others, leave it there, leave them where they're at. No matter how that conversation went, good or bad, in your opinion, stop overanalyzing it because it happened, it is now the past, it is now a moment in history. If there's some things that you could have said or could have done better, okay, next time you'll get it right. If there's some things you wish you didn't say, next time don't say it. It's just it's that simple, but once you you keep practicing at it, it becomes easier. Um, because I know it's easier said than done, but no, it's easier done too. If you take the time to stop and to respond after thinking, I think if you practice that a little bit, not being so quick to respond or quick to have reaction to things, but having a taking a moment, taking a beat to analyze and to breathe. Get your breath in there first, especially if someone hits you with something you know not to be true, or someone comes and asks you to do something that you know you don't want to do, kind of wait, think a bit about that, and always give an honest answer to people. I find it that some have a hard time being honest because they don't want to hurt people's feelings, but it's not about hurting your feelings because I live by the model, and I will tell people this too. Please don't ask me anything if you don't want me to give you an honest answer. Now, my answers always come in love, but please don't do that, and I never offer myself to people unless I absolutely mean it. Because you know, times where someone is going through or they've been sick or had so many different things happen in life, it's so quick, especially if you have a heart, you know, you try to do well, try to do right. It's so easy to say, well, if you need anything, call me or let me know. Until you realize that person gonna call you constantly. Now you didn't set up yourself to have to deal with that. So now you're gonna have to do what? Either avoid them or just go ahead and tell them like it is, right? So always set yourself up so you won't be put in a position to constantly be overthinking, replaying what happened, going through the emotions of did I say it right, did I do it right? These mental loops, you don't want to get stuck on that that merry-go-round with people. That's the last thing, right? We if we have this type of worry, we should be worried if we're pleasing the Lord, if we're doing right, if we're saying right, if we're treating people right, those are the things. If you want to be on any loop, that's the best loop to be on. Because our main focus is to live right, be right, do right, and be uh pleasant and pleasing to the Lord. And God don't require much of us, He really don't. The world makes it seem so, but if you're loving, kind, gentle, you know, hard after after the Lord and for the people, then God with you right now, right? Yes, He is. So I want you to be healed, I want you to be whole in all of these conversations that we have, and I pray that they're helping you see yourself, you know, in a light that you probably didn't see why you do the things you do, and what can help you. It's all about not changing overnight because you're not, because if you change overnight, what did you really learn about yourself? But changing and allowing yourself to change and doing the work to be better. That's the most important things. It may seem hard, it may seem a little tough, but each day we get a new chance at it, and you can do it, you can do it. You got to break these cycles that you are under in Jesus' name. It will be done. I'm praying for you, and I know God is gonna do it for you. So, if this mental loop feels familiar, always remember that you're not alone. Okay, so many people are carrying quiet shame, born from overthinking moments that others have already forgotten, they have let it go, and you're still holding on to it. But no longer will you be doing this, right? We in agreement, okay. We both are. So if this conversation helped you feel a little less alone, I love for you to stay connected. You can subscribe to podcasts so these conversations are here whenever you need them. And if you want to go deeper, you can visit my website, it's linked in the description where this community continues beyond just listening. Now remember this before you go you don't have to replay today, you don't have to reveal yourself. Even letting one moment rest is a step toward peace. So I thank you so much for sitting with me. I'll be here when you're ready for the next conversation.